This is just a dream, it's just a dream, it's just a dream......

I have nightmares. So, obviously I don't sleep well. The only time I sleep ok, is when DH is home. For the first six months of the deployment, I had such a hard time sleeping that, I slept on the couch. After DH came home for R and R, I promised him for his peace of mind that I would sleep in our bed again. Which, I have been doing. Except the last three nights. Two nights in a row I couldn't fall asleep. I was up until 3-4 AM for absolutely no reason. I go to the gym to try and help tire myself out in the afternoon, and I took my sleeping pills, which all they do is relax me, but don't put me to sleep. I think I need something stronger than OTC melatonin. Last night I was exhausted by 9 pm, due to the horrible sleep I had gotten the other nights, amongst the fact that I still haven't talked to DH. Not getting to talk to him, eats at me. The last deployment, we went weeks without speaking, only maybe a small email if he got a chance to write me. Then this time around, because of internet in their rooms and SKYPE, we have been able to talk everyday, or atleast every other day if he has been busy. Today makes day three of not hearing from him. There's a possability that I will get to talk to him this afternoon, I hope so. The nightmares are back due to some things that will be coming up soon. I wake up in tears and nearly hyperventilating........ the possibility is so real, that it carries on from my dream and affects me physically. When I wake up I'm in an immediate panic. Looking around, making sure everything is OK. I look out the window and look for random cars making sure there aren't any around. My heart races for a few minutes, just at the possibility that the Army is looking for me to tell me something horrible happened. I remind myself that it's just a dream. Nothing is wrong. Everything is OK. Everything will be OK.Right now I am even more worried about the possibility, but I try to shove it deep down, and push it to the back of my mind. Just waiting for him to call, hearing his voice quells those fears. In a few months, I'll be able to sleep again. Until then, I seriously think I need to get a better sleep medication. Not sleeping is not a possibility when you have a four year old. Everyone has their ways of coping. Who knows maybe subconsciously I think if I am awake, then no one can wake me up to hand me a flag in the middle of the night.I hope he gets a chance to call. If he doesn't ,well, at least I know how to suck it up, just wish I could sleep while doing it!